So after the semi bust date with HB London....I mean HB Finance lol...I joined some friends for pizza rolls, tequila shots and one hell of a discussion on ecstasy. So I made a decision to blow off HB London and meet up with HB feminist. I rationalized it as "I have great rapport with HB London, when she comes back from her trip (Hurry, guess where shes going to) we'll just meet up".
So I get an address from HB feminist and I'm off to Humboldt Park. My intial thoughts, "Wait, she gave me an address in Humboldt Park?". I almost poop my pants because its past 7pm and the street lights are on. Not a good time to be in Humboldt Park.
I roll up to this place not knowing what to expect at midnight on a saturday night in the middle of Humboldt Park. As I find parking next to the town alcoholic who is passed out and the numourus bottles of broken glass, I walk over to the bar and I call my little sister.
Me: LD, I'm just calling you because I'm meeting someone for the first time in the ghetto and I don't know if I'll make it out alive. This might be the last time I talk to you.
LD: Don't get human trafficked!
Awesome advice at midnight.
So we I walk in and after the bouncer gives me shit for wearing a hat I'm now forced to meet someone for the first time with hat hair. This keeps on getting better. So this bar is closet but with million people packed into it with LOUD bachata music blasted. OK, so I'm now meeting someone for the first time with hat hair and I'm going to be screaming at her while I'm two feet away. OK no biggie.
After I'm introduced to her roomie, I get the first round of drinks because I'm a classy mother effer like that. I then notice her roomie talking to an older guy...Like old enough to be her dad. My thoughts? "I need to cock block this guy so her roomie will love me and won't mind when she can't sleep at 2am because we're "loud" ".
I ask HB feminist, "Whos that dude?"
Her: Thats my dad.
Me: Haha, you mean like a sugar daddy? Thats cute [insert inappropiate laughing]
Her: What? No, thats really my dad.
OK, bad enough I'm completely out of my element here, with hat hair, while I'm shouting at you what I'm majoring in but YOU BROUGHT YOUR DAD?
The rest of the night consisted of a bunch of inappropiate dad jokes including:
"Should I ask your dad if he wants to dance?"
"Can I do a body shot off your dad?"
"You hang out with your dad often?, thats not wierd"
"I'm a fan of threesomes (as I look over his way)"
"How about the weirdos on Match. I had this one girl introduce me to her dad on our first date"
Hopefully she got the fucking picture. Leave your dad at home ladies.
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