HB Crutches

Opener: 500x template

5 emails total (2 her/3 me)

She responded to the 500x email with

 “love your profile - i'm looking for exactly the same thing. i like to start off with absolutely no pressure / lets be friends and if that leads to random cuddling - great! if that leads to something more - even better! so yes, i'm aboard that train of casualness”

Since she was clearly on board with the “friends first mentality”, she had her B shield down and I felt confident that I would number close. I used the “normal enough” closer and she shot me a text the next morning.

I think its important to be empathetic and definitely convey emotions via email. What I hate about text/email is that its so emotionless. You could never tell if someone is upset or if SOMEONE IS UPSET. I’m not advising to put your emails in all caps but be weary of sounding like an asshole when playfully teasing. She mentioned she recently has surgery and that’s why it took her days to respond. Empathetically, I put myself in her shoes and tried to imagine how much it would suck.

Lesson learned: Be nice, its pays off sometimes…

We met at Lion’s Head pub for a couple of drinks on St.Pattys. SIDE NOTE: As I walk into the bar on the biggest drinking night of the year, it was empty. Seriously. As two servers approached me, I asked them if they were closed because I was shocked nobody was there. I took a half day at my internship for this?

HB Crutches shows up in…crutches! But she is completely decked out in Irish gear. It was quite comical to hear people in the street yell, “What a trooper! Shes a keeper dude!”.

Since it was the first day of March Madness, it was hard to pay attention to anything she was saying! I use my grounding story to lead the conversation and we take it from there. So something that I did remember while watching Louville get spanked was that shes on a semi professional football team, The Chicago Force. In my best McLovin impression, I tell myself, "I have a boner". After talking about how she tore her ACL and how she abrutely quit her job because she was tired of it, she steered the conversation towards career goals/ambitions and travel. Fun stuff to talk about...

Something that Sinn always says is a good indicator of success in the interaction is movement and compliance. I suggest we go to another bar to meet my friend. She agreed but my friend bailing on me .Great. We head over to a pizza joint and grab a slice and kill some time. She offered to go grab a movie but honestly, I wanted to get my drink on with friends in the burbs. We part ways and date was successful?

This was my first date off of match since I decided to go out and go HARD. I didn’t do any kino [touching] or make the conversation sexual. I was too much of a friend.

Lesson learned: F it. Go hard or go home. I know she’ll invite me out to hangout but its going to take some game to break through that friendship role I put myself into.

[I’m ass backwards and didn’t post this first. This was about 2 weeks ago. Initially, she didn’t respond to my follow up text messages but shes been extremely receptive. She’s invited me out a couple of times. Seems like this is going to take some work.]

Magic Man and El Diablo

“If you smell a delicious, crispy smell after the race, it's not your tailpipe. It's just a little of Shake and Bake!”

The countless stories that I have with my best bud Wing “Magic Man”...thats a post that could challenge War and Peace. The only reason that we don’t have a combined 15 kids with 15 different women is that we’re on different schedules. I went the traditional school route while Magic Man has been fighting crime ever since I can remember.

The latest chapter to our debacle night starts out at Howl at the Moon. Actually, I met HB March Maddness for drinks before I went over to meet Magic Man. We shot the shit, teased her a bit, but I used my grounding story to lead the conversation. This is something  that I’ve been working on and I will post tomorrow because I’m sure I’m going to get bored of looking at files at my internship in the morning. The date ends on a good note and I’ll follow up on a different post.

After spotting Magic Man I’m introduced to the girls (his girlfriend’s friends). I literally have my pick as to who I should chat up first. After catching up with my friends who showed up a bit later, I decide to be social. HB Dougie makes her way over to our table and I start asking her how she knows the group. After she tells me she’s currently in school for counseling, we hit it off really well. I use a combination of being an asshole/having fun/teasing/genuinely wanted to get to know her better…I ask her to come with me to the bar for a round of drinks. I pull Sinn’s “ring routine” on her and she eats it up. She then stares at me and pulls me in for a kiss. As she leaves the bar, she sends me a text saying something along of lines of  “I better see you tomorrow”.

Sure enough, I join Magic Man/his girlfriend/and her friends at the bar at the next night. I also ended up bring my trusting W Marky Mark. His buddy drives us to the bar and is our DD for the night. Good thing because Magic Man and his girlfriend left early. HB Dougie and her friend stay and hangout with the rest of us for the night. I make my intentions with her quite clear as I tell her:

“whoever your ex boyfriend was didn’t spank you enough because you need to put in your place more often”

“I bet you’re the type of girl that’s really sexual with someone once you put your walls down. Like, I bet your boyfriends think they walked onto a porn set after the third time you’ve had sex with you”

“I bet you have a dominatrix outfit at home. We’re never going to workout because I don’t do handcuffs or safety words” [as she tells me she LOVES being handcuffed].

“Listen, I know you’re just being nice because you’re trying to get in my pants. Its NOT going to happen”

So, let me just say that I don’t know how I became confident on the dance floor, I just did. I realize that I probably have no dance skills what so ever but I truly enjoy myself and have a fun time when I hit the dance floor. That’s what its all about. I’m sure there were guys laughing at me when HB Dougie and I were on the stage grinding on each other but you know what…I’m the one who HB Dougie has been texting all week. She refused to come back to W Marky Mark’s place afterwards but hey, might as well try right?

[I’m writing this a couple of days after the weekend. She’s been texting me all day. Seriously, all day, beginning at 7am. Nothing better than a girl that wants it.]

My Grounding Story and Lists

***No story here, just PU related***

Dominican U --->Cross Country (Didn't want college to be like HS...begining of self improvement junkie).

Majoring in Criminology/Sociology---> Law School....Social Work (I decided against law school because I wanted to do some good in the community).

Working at a non profit--->passion for helping people (I found my true calling, social work)(Everything happens for a reason)(Hardest job EVER during the recession)

I know this probably makes absoltely no sense to a lot of you. So if it doesn't, Stop reading! This is my grounding story that I typically start out every set or first date with. As I write this, I heading to class and meeting HB Social Worker after...I'll have to perfect this. Basically, there are a ton of routes that I can take the conversation with these small stories. Instead of exchanging interview questions, I tend to tell a lot about myself and see if the chick can relate to it.

Things I want women to know about me
Funny
Outgoing
Passionate
Witty
Leader
Activist
Strong
Ambitious
Understanding
Emotionally Stable

Qualities I Want in Women
Outgoing
Educated(Going to School)
Traveler(Explorer)
Goal Orientated
Active
Adventurous
Supportive
Emotionally Stable
Communicator
Inclusive
Honest
Good Communicator

Things I Can Talk to Women About
Guatemala/El Salvador (Traveling Abroad)(Friendships)
Small Family (3 Sisters haha) (nephew/godson)
Music (Ipod)(festivals)
School (Fate...London/Human Trafficking)--->Me and you on this date
            (Friendship, sisters)
            (Feminism)
Tattoos (Adventurous....zip lining in Guatemala)
Spanish (speak other languages?)
My goals/ambitions
Cubs Fan
Social Work
Reality TV (Jersey Shore)
Writing a book (poverty in paradise)

Buyers Remorse

HB Hippy

So I have this thing where I hate going to partys ‘S-O-L-O’ [Youtube the Jumpsmokers remix] even if I know the people at the club/bar/party. I need to walk in with an entourage. ITS HOW I ROLL SON. So it was my sisters (graduate school sisters- don’t ask) birthday party on Friday. I hit up match HARD that week and get a couple of numbers. I end up running text game with HB Hippy all week and we decide to meet up before the party in Andersonville. 

First of all, its pouring rain and I don’t do umbrellas. I show up at the bar drenched! I B line to the bathroom and they only have those ‘accelerator’ hand dryers. I stuck my head under it. Yeah, I felt my brain being pushed to the back of my skull. HB Hippy finally makes it over and I run my grounding routine on her. We get some rapport over being healers (she owns her own acupuncture practice). She mentions she doesn’t have plans so we hit up my lil sis’ bday party.

Let me just say that I HATE the fact that some people just don't look like their pictures. As HB Hippy walked over to the bar and ordered a drink, I pulled up match on my phone to verify her age. She was literally dressed like a female Fonz. I'm sucker for perky boobs, so naturally I let her fashion mishap slide. 

I create some kino on the cab ride over as it was freezing out for a March night. So we get to the bar and we’re about to order drinks, she pulls me in and we make out. I pull away, give her the “stop being so sexually aggressively!” with a grin. This continues throughout the night and the entire cab ride back. I try inviting myself over but she mentions she has boxing in the AM. I get home, get the good night text and that was the last I heard from her. No more texts/emails. #buyers remorse  

I think I made it too obvious that I was only looking to hookup...I never tried to make any future plans or 'set up dates' so she wouldn't think I was looking for a one night stand. Lesson learned. 

As if the night couldn't get better, I end up taking a $45 cab ride back to the burbs and my ex gf HB M sends me a text at 2am telling me that she needs space from me, again. I'm so over that drama queen. Perfect example of a hot girl with issues. F. 

...I'm Baaaaack! Part II (Daddy's Girl)

So after the semi bust date with HB London....I mean HB Finance lol...I joined some friends for pizza rolls, tequila shots and one hell of a discussion on ecstasy. So I made a decision to blow off HB London and meet up with HB feminist. I rationalized it as "I have great rapport with HB London, when she comes back from her trip (Hurry, guess where shes going to) we'll just meet up".

So I get an address from HB feminist and I'm off to Humboldt Park. My intial thoughts, "Wait, she gave me an address in Humboldt Park?". I almost poop my pants because its past 7pm and the street lights are on. Not a good time to be in Humboldt Park.

I roll up to this place not knowing what to expect at midnight on a saturday night in the middle of Humboldt Park. As I find parking next to the town alcoholic who is passed out and the numourus bottles of broken glass, I walk over to the bar and I call my little sister.

Me: LD, I'm just calling you because I'm meeting someone for the first time in the ghetto and I don't know if I'll make it out alive. This might be the last time I talk to you.

LD: Don't get human trafficked!

Awesome advice at midnight.

So we I walk in and  after the bouncer gives me shit for wearing a hat I'm now forced to meet someone for the first time with hat hair. This keeps on getting better. So this bar is closet but with million people packed into it with LOUD bachata music blasted. OK, so I'm now meeting someone for the first time with hat hair and I'm going to be screaming at her while I'm two feet away. OK no biggie. 

After I'm introduced to her roomie, I get the first round of drinks because I'm a classy mother effer like that. I then notice her roomie talking to an older guy...Like old enough to be her dad. My thoughts? "I need to cock block this guy so her roomie will love me and won't mind when she can't sleep at 2am because we're "loud" ".
I ask HB feminist, "Whos that dude?"

Her: Thats my dad.
Me: Haha, you mean like a sugar daddy? Thats cute [insert inappropiate laughing]
Her: What? No, thats really my dad.

OK, bad enough I'm completely out of my element here, with hat hair, while I'm shouting at you what I'm majoring in but YOU BROUGHT YOUR DAD?

The rest of the night consisted of a bunch of inappropiate dad jokes including:

"Should I ask your dad if he wants to dance?"
"Can I do a body shot off your dad?"
"You hang out with your dad often?, thats not wierd"
"I'm a fan of threesomes (as I look over his way)"
"How about the weirdos on Match. I had this one girl introduce me to her dad on our first date"

Hopefully she got the fucking picture. Leave your dad at home ladies.

...I'm Baaaaack! Part I

So I feel like this is the first weekend out with intentions of "getting it in" in awhile. I feel as though I should have an anthem, "T.I. I'm Back"?. So after shooting the shit with HB Finance, HB London and HB feminist all week I had some decisions to make when Saturday came around. HB Feminist is Mexican, which means shes fucking hot because I don't fall for Mexicans, so I def made her the priority. She told me she was in some play so she wasn't available till after 10, maybe. "Maybe" because she was planning on going out with her family. *Key Point*

So I only shot text game with HB Finance and HB Feminist. HB London was quite different. After an initial  90 minute phone conversation, I could tell she digged me because she constantly texts me. Lesson learned, get.her.on.the.phone. Its painful but its worth it.

So I decide to meet HB Finance for drinks at Killer Margaritas. After getting a series of "I'm nervous texts", (seriously, who does that? #awkward) she shows up and it hits me HARD. I got pictures and phone numbers confused. I mean, I started to think I even saved her under the wrong name. The entire time shes sitting across the bar from me, I'm thinking to myself "WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU?". At least my Margariata was good. She wouldn't have one because they have "too many calories". Really. Really?

I honestly don't know if I'll call her back. I couldn't decide but I get her facebook info...you know, to get my ex gf jealous. HA. I think I'll continue to pursue her only to reach 26 by 26.

to be continued....

Speed Dating = Super Dumb

Well, actually it was pretty cool being the most interesting guy out of 4 Indian guys that work in IT. So at my monthly dinner with my bffl, yeah I said it, she told me that she always wanted to go speed dating but was too embarrassed to go. Little did she know that I've been trying to go for weeks. We ended up signing up for the next available round.

So we walk in and I see nothing but grenades and landmines but I order another beer (after we pounded two beers and shots before we walked in) in hopes that the HBs would get cute. Mission accomplished. I think I remember telling W bffl  minutes before it started, "I'm drunk and I'm horny!".

Talk about busts...There was one cute girl who I was interested because she reminded me of Alanis Morissette before she got weird. Too bad her cubby friend thought my bffl was my girlfriend #swinga! I number closed this older lady from Conneticut just because she was a cute blonde. I like cute blondes. I was so drunk that I one point I think I asked one of the uglier girls, "How do you feel about threesomes?" only because I was talking to another girl as well. Clearly, I'm a witty drunk.
So, overall, this was a bust, not worth the $35 cover but I guess I'd be willing to do it again, NOT ON A FRIDAY NIGHT.

Learning Curve = Winning

So I've been brutally bored at my internship lately so I've been spending hours on match while I'm suppose to be changing lives. I guess I'm still changing lives, once I B my L on her Ts. LOL.

So to make a long story short in a couple of weeks I've gotten about 12 numbers. I'm not bragging, I'm only saying that I've had a lot of success. Not that a phone number means anything, because it doesn't (FLAKES), but I'm curious to find out how many numbers I can turn into dates. So for those interested, I'm also going to include # close transcripts. Its not that hard, you just have to be different from the other losers on there. OK, heres my list...

HB Feminist
HB Finance
HB London
HB socialworker
HB Apartment
HB Nanny
HB Force
HB Cali
HB March Maddness
HB icanalreadytellyou'regoingtoflake
HB Orlando

For obvious reasons, I'm not disclosing names. I'll update this and let you know how the list turns out. They say 80% of the pleasure you get comes from 20% of the women you talk to. So according to this, I'm only going to sleep with 2.5 of these women. That means I have to hope that one of these girls lied and is a midget.

UPDATE: January - March

SO I've avoided this blog for a lot of reasons, I'll sum up the past couple months with a list of what I learned. Sinn has me into lists now. I.E. making a list of goals, stuff to improve on everyday, stuff to bring up in conversation. I wish I would have came across Sinn years ago.

1) I received  'supervision' for my decemeber DUI.
    Lesson Learned: Don't drink and drive, because its fucking expensive.

2) Stick to your rules for dating.
    Lesson Learned: I broke my rules for HBredheadteacher. A mixture of breaking comfort and ignoring all             the other HBs that I was dating. She broke up with me via GOOGLE CHAT after a month.

3) Remember the procedure for online dating.
   Lesson Learned: Keep it moving forward. Email, phone number, date, sleep with her by date # 2.
   I recently 'skyped' with a girl that was out of town for the weekend. We hadn't met so it w as super awkward. It was like a date. Soo, its been a couple of days and she hasn't returned my call/texts or invite to another skype session. Bad mistake. Maybe after a meet up, but not before.

4) Ex girlfriends suck.
    Lesson Learned: HB M

I'll probably update this every other day from now on. I'm taking PU quite seriously. I know, you've heard that before but you only live once. Lets do this.